Dream Again: The Courage to Dream Requires the Freedom to Struggle
By Matt Harr — Educator, Championship Coach, Author, and Motivational Speaker
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that the best way to help people succeed was to make their lives easier. But what if, in trying to remove the struggle, we've also removed the very thing that gives people the confidence to dream?
I've spent more than 35 years in classrooms and gymnasiums, working with thousands of young people. I've coached championship teams, taught students who struggled academically, and watched individuals overcome obstacles they once believed were impossible.
And I've noticed something interesting.
The people who develop the greatest confidence aren't necessarily the most talented, the smartest, or the ones who have had the easiest path.
They're often the ones who have been knocked down, figured out how to get back up, and discovered something about themselves in the process.
They have evidence that they can overcome adversity.
And that evidence gives them the courage to dream bigger.
When Did We Become Afraid to Let People Struggle?
As parents, educators, coaches, and leaders, we naturally want to help people succeed. We want to protect them from disappointment, failure, and frustration.
But sometimes, in our desire to help, we step in too quickly.
We solve the problem before they've had a chance to work through it. We remove the obstacle before they've discovered how to overcome it. We provide the answer before they've learned how to find it.
Our intentions are good, but the consequences aren't always what we expect.
When someone never experiences difficulty, they may never discover just how capable they really are.
Think about learning to ride a bicycle. Someone can hold the seat, run alongside you, and keep you from falling. But eventually, that person has to let go.
You might wobble. You might fall. You might scrape a knee.
But when you finally ride down that street on your own, something changes.
You don't just learn how to ride a bicycle.
You learn that you can do something you once thought you couldn't.
That's where confidence begins.
The Power of Looking Back
Throughout my coaching career, I've watched athletes accomplish things they initially believed were beyond their abilities.
The first time they face a difficult opponent, they're intimidated. The first time they experience failure, they're discouraged. The first time they're pushed beyond their comfort zone, they question whether they belong.
But then something happens.
They keep working. They improve. They overcome something that once seemed impossible.
And the next time they face a difficult situation, they approach it differently.
Why?
Because they've been there before.
They now have evidence.
I've often wondered how many of us underestimate ourselves simply because we've forgotten what we've already overcome.
Think about your own life.
Remember a time when you faced something that seemed overwhelming. Maybe you lost a job, experienced a personal tragedy, struggled financially, or failed at something that mattered deeply to you.
At the time, you may have wondered how you would ever get through it.
But somehow, you did.
Maybe you needed help. Maybe you made mistakes. Maybe the outcome wasn't exactly what you hoped for.
But you kept going.
And you're here today.
Your past struggles aren't just memories of difficult times. They're evidence of what you're capable of surviving, learning from, and overcoming.
My Own Second Chance
I learned this lesson in a deeply personal way when a life-threatening illness put me in intensive care for nearly three weeks.
My organs were failing, and my chances of survival were estimated at approximately 10 percent.
For someone who had spent much of his life teaching, coaching, and encouraging others to persevere, I suddenly found myself facing a challenge that couldn't be solved by working harder or giving another motivational speech.
I had to depend on medical professionals, my family, and people who refused to give up on me.
That experience changed my perspective.
Surviving didn't mean I would never face another difficult day. It didn't mean that everything in life would suddenly become easy.
But it gave me a deeper appreciation for opportunities, relationships, and the importance of continuing to pursue meaningful goals.
It reminded me that our circumstances can change in an instant and that we shouldn't take tomorrow for granted.
Most importantly, it reinforced something I had spent decades trying to teach young people.
We cannot always control what happens to us.
But we can continue looking for ways to move forward.
Are We Raising Dreamers or Doubters?
I worry that in today's world, we're sometimes so focused on protecting young people from failure that we're unintentionally teaching them to fear it.
We celebrate achievement, but we aren't always willing to embrace the process required to achieve it.
We want confidence without discomfort.
Success without setbacks.
Resilience without adversity.
But those things rarely develop independently of one another.
I'm not suggesting that we should manufacture hardship or withhold support from someone who genuinely needs it.
There's a tremendous difference between allowing someone to struggle productively and abandoning them when they're overwhelmed.
The goal isn't to make life harder.
The goal is to help people discover that difficult doesn't always mean impossible.
As educators, parents, coaches, and leaders, our responsibility isn't to eliminate every challenge. It's to provide the encouragement, guidance, and support that help people work through challenges and recognize their own growth.
Because eventually, they'll encounter situations when we won't be standing beside them.
And when that day comes, I want them to believe in their ability to figure things out.
Dream Again
Here's what I would challenge you to do.
Take a few minutes and look backward before you look forward.
Think about three difficult experiences you've faced in your life.
Not necessarily your greatest accomplishments.
Your greatest challenges.
Ask yourself what those experiences taught you. What did you discover about yourself? What strengths did you develop? What once seemed impossible that you eventually found a way to handle?
Now ask yourself one more question.
If I've already overcome those challenges, what might I be capable of accomplishing next?
Maybe there's a dream you've put aside because you thought you were too old, too inexperienced, too busy, or simply not good enough.
Maybe you've convinced yourself that the opportunity has passed.
Maybe you're afraid to try because you don't want to fail.
I understand that feeling.
But after more than three decades of teaching and coaching, surviving a life-threatening illness, and beginning a new chapter as an author and motivational speaker, I've come to believe that we're often capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for.
The evidence may already be there.
We just need to recognize it.
Dreaming doesn't require a guarantee of success. It requires the courage to believe that the possibility is worth pursuing.
And sometimes, the very struggles we wish we could erase are the experiences that give us that courage.
So don't let your past failures convince you to stop dreaming.
Let your past recoveries remind you why you should.
It's never too late to dream again.
